Failure of the Year

I’m the biggest failure I know.

Eighteen years ago I met a woman who told me she hadn’t eaten sugar for years.  I had never heard of such a thing and my brain couldn’t even believe it was possible.  How someone could have enough self-control to NEVER eat sugar was beyond me at the time.  Far beyond.

It was years later when I finally stopped eating processed sugar for good.

And then I failed and started eating it again several months later.

I tried over and over again.  I thought telling people that I wasn’t eating sugar would help me stay off of it but all it did was humiliate me when I started up again so I stopped telling people but I kept trying.  Over and over again.  I was the only one that knew how many times I tried and I hated myself until I finally figured out that I wasn’t a failure if I never stopped trying so I don’t.  I never stop trying.

No matter how many times I talk too much I try to keep my mouth shut.

No matter how  many times I stay up too late I try to go to bed early.

I keep trying to keep my kitchen perfectly clean.

I keep trying to go for a walk every day.

To learn Spanish and violin.

To keep junk out of my life.

To always live by my convictions.

To not care what other people think of me.

To get healthy.

To stay happy.


 

I’ve never done anything great.

I’m not the best at anything.

I’ve never made a bunch of money.

I’ve never been popular.

I’ve never saved the world.

In spite of that I wake up every morning excited to try and fail at least one more time… over and over again until the day I die because it’s the only thing I’m really good at.

I should keep a journal of all my failures.   I could call it my Celebrate Failure journal.

Today I failed to take my new dehydrator out of the box and make sure it worked before I cooked 8 gallons of yogurt to culture in it but my friend rescued me and lent me her oven.

Today I failed to stay perfectly calm when my daughter spilled beet juice all over my kitchen but we finished juicing 4 gallons of carrot/apple/beet/celery/andabunchofotherstuff juice to last us a week.

Today I failed to clean out my car and trailer from our trip but my daughter did it for me tonight while I washed dishes.

Today I failed to go for a walk or do any stretches but I did something like 300 squats as I was making yogurt on the stove outside and trying to keep three kittens out of my operation.

Today I failed to do my violin practicing for more than 5 minutes but I practiced for 30 minutes with my 7-year-old who begs me to play with her every day.

Today I failed to read to my Littles before bed but I played a new card game with them instead.

Today I told my 4-year-old seventeen times that I love him because that’s how many times he told me.

Today was a good day.
I can’t wait to fail again tomorrow.

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